Excerpt from "Kids pick the Funniest Poems"

Poem #2

A Student's Prayer

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

~Anonymous

Excerpt from "Kids Pick the Funniest Poems"

Poem #1

A Teacher's Lament

Don't tell me the cat ate your math sheet,
And your spelling words went down the drain,
And you couldn't decipher your homework,
Because it was soaked in the rain.

Don't tell you slaved for hours
On the project that's due today,
And you would have had it finished
If your snake hadn't run away.

Don't tell me you lost your eraser,
And you worksheets and pencils, too,
And your papers are stuck together
With a great big blob of glue.

I'm tired of all your excuses;
They are really a terrible bore.
Besides, I forgot my own work,
At home ion my study drawer.

~Kalli Dakos

Audiobook "Swimsuit" by James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

Parents' Creed

Children learn what they live.
If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness.
they learn justice.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith.
If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance and friendship,
they learn to find love in the world.

~Dorothy Law Nolte

Quotes from "Shutter Island"

"She said once that time is nothing to me but a series of bookmarks that I use to jump back and forth through the text of my life, returning again and again to the events that mark me, in the eyes of my astute colleagues, as bearing all the characteristics of the classic melancholic." (p.1)

"If time for me really is a series of bookmarks, then I feel as if someone has shaken the book and those yellowed slips of paper, torn matchbook covers and flattened coffee stirrers have fallen to the floor, and the dog-eared flaps have been pressed smooth." (p.2)

"That's the Kafkaesque genius of it all. If you;re not crazy but people have told thw world you are, then all your protests to the contrary just underscore their point." (p.269)

Currently Reading "Social Crimes"

Audiobook "Jester" by James Patterson & Andrew Gross

Audiobook "Roses are red" by James Patterson

Preschool "Eggs"traordinaire

Bridal Brunch with Envelope

I embellished the envelopes by stamping a very small portion of the same flourish I used on the front of the invites. This extra touch gives the envelope a more elegant character.

Audiobook "Violets are blue" by James Patterson

Currently Reading "Shutter Island" by Dennis Lehane

Ellen's birthday

Quotes from "A Million Little Pieces"

WARNING: Before you start reading these quotes, let me first tell you that the book is the story of a drug addict recovery process during the 6 weeks spent in a Rehab Center, story told by himself; some of the passages, hence vocabulary used, might get crude and sometimes disturbing... Second, the fact that I isolated some passages does not mean that I agree with what he wrote. Most of the time I do, but know that these are HIS words, not mine. Simply put, the passages below all triggered something in me... They simply either inspired me, troubled me, chagrined me, saddened me, made me smile, and so on. But mainly, they made me feel ALIVE and happy to be alive... And if you get a chance and are not afraid to see life through an Addict's point of view, then go ahead and read the book. The reading gets hard sometimes but in my humble opinion, it is well worth it.

"They are all different and they are all the same and as I sit there smoking my cigarette, they scare the living shit out of me." (p.31)

(to put the following quoted words in perspective, you need to know that the narrator is a recovering drug addict currently committed in a Clinic, and just had 2 teeth capped and a double root canal done WITHOUT any kind of anesthetics or/and drugs before and after the surgery... yep... rough to read but this is what brought tears to my eyes) "I smile back. It is my first smile with my new teeth. I'm amused by this and I smile wider and I point toward my mouth. Doctor Stevens laughs and he walks toward me and he puts his arms around me and he hugs me. We are two men who have just been through a terrible ordeal together. Although it was worse for me, I know it wasn't easy for him. The hug is our bond, our bond to learn from what we just have been through and become better and stronger because if it. I know he will keep the bond, I don't know if I can." (p.72)

"I turn and I slowly walk away and I don't look back. It has always been a fault of mine, but it is the way I am. I never look back. Never." (p.73)

"Give me something. Anything. I need to get out of here. If not in body, at least in mind. I need to get the fuck out of here. I pick up the book. I stare at it. I know it can't hurt and I know I have nothing to lose. I begin reading." (p.77)

"I am not brave enough to look into my own eyes." (p.79)

"I can run fast when I want to run fast, and I've always been good at destroying things." (p.80)

"I can imagine my obituary. The truth of my existence will be removed and replaced with imagined good. The reality of how I lived will be avoided and changed and phrases will be dropped in like Beloved Son, Loving Brother, Reliable Friend, Hardworking Student. People will change their view of me, from reckless Fuck-Up to helpless Martyr, from dangerous Fool to sad Victim, from addicted Asshole to unfortunate Child. They will say things like my God, what a waste. Oh, what he could have been. He had so much going for him, what happened? And it will be fucking false, every single word of it will be false.
I know who I am and I know what I've done and I know why I am about to die. I have faced the reality and the reality is simple. I am an Alcoholic and I am a drug Addict and I am a Criminal. That is what I am and who I am and that is how I should be remembered. No happy lies, no invented memories, no fake sentimentality, no tears. I do not deserve tears. I deserved to be portrayed honestly and I deserve nothing more and I start to write an honest obituary in my own mind. I write the obituary that should appear, but never will. I start at the begining and I stick to the facts and I move to what I know will be my end..." (p.94)

"My mind is clear adn my urges are gone and my heart is beating slow and steady. In my mind, my obituary is done. It is done and it is right. It tells the truth, and as awful as it can be. the truith is what matters. It is what I should be remembered by, if I am remembered at all. Remember the truth. It is all that matters." (p.95)

“Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about.” (p.104)

“If you think you’re making that choice, you’re wrong. Your choices are made by the shit that controls you and by the shit you can’t quit. You walk out of here and that shit’s gonna kill you and that’s fucking wrong.” (p.107)

“Life is hard Kid, you gotta be harder. You gotta take it on and fight for it and be a fucking man about how you live it. If you’re too much of a pussy to do that, then maybe you should leave, ‘cause you’re dead already.” (p.107)

“I start to look up. I want to see my eyes. I want to look beneath the surface of the pale green and see what’s inside of me. As I get near I turn away. I try to force myself back, but I can’t do it. I have not consciously looked into my eyes for years. Although I have wanted to look into them, I have not had the strength to do so. I try to force myself, but I can’t. I do not have the strength now and I do not know if I will ever have the strength. I will never look into the pale green of my eyes again. There are places from which you cannot return. There is damage that can be irreparable.” (p.116)

“Her eyes and her hand understand my words, have seen and felt this type of damage before. there is no judgment and no condescension. Just hope.” (p.129)

“You have two decisions to make, James. The first is whether you want to live, and I believe you do. I believe that deep inside of you, you realize what a horrible waste it would be to kill yourself. I believe that what you present to the World and what you are on the inside are two different things, and that you know that what you are on the inside is something that’s worth saving. The second decision is whether you’re willing to do what it takes, and what we tell you it takes, to get sober. You need to decide whether you’re going to stop being stubborn, and whether you’re willing to open your mind to something that you really don’t know anything about. Take your time and think.” (p.151)

“I know a bit about the loss of dignity. I know that when you take away a man’s dignity, there is a hole, a deep black hole filled with despair, humiliation and self-hatred, filled with emptiness, shame and disgrace, filled with loss and isolation and Hell. It’s a deep, dark, horrible fucking hole, and that hole is where people like me live our sad-ass, fucked-up, dignity-free, inhuman lives, and where we die, alone, miserable, wasted and forgotten.” (p.156)

“I saw a man cry yesterday. I’ve seen men cry before, but I usually think it’s because they’re weak or pathetic. The man who cried yesterday cried because he was strong and I admired his strength. I know people might think I’m strong or tough, but I’m really not. I’m a sheep in a wolf’s clothing.” (p.164)

“I think men who can cry are strong men.” (p.169)

“An addict is an Addict. It doesn’t matter whether the Addict is white, black, yellow or green, rich or poor or somewhere in the middle, the most famous Person on the Planet or the most unknown. It doesn’t matter whether the addiction is drugs, alcohol, crime, sex, shopping, food, gambling, television, or the fucking Flinstones. The life of the Addict is always the same. There is no excitement, no glamor, no fun. There are no good times, there is no joy, there is no happiness. There is no future and no escape. There is only an obsession. An all-encompassing, fully enveloping, completely overwhelming obsession. To make light of it, brag about it, or revel in the mock glory of it is not in any way, shape or form related to its truth, and that is all that matters, the truth. That this man is standing in front of me and everyone else in this room lying to us is heresy. The truth is all that matters. This is fucking heresy.” (p.178)

“(...) names rare not necessary for that which is real and for that which is eternal. It says that if we are free from desire, we can realize mystery, that if we are caught in desire, we only realize manifestations. It says mystery and manifestations arise from the same source, which is darkness. It says darkness within darkness is the key to all understanding.” (p.179)

“If there is beauty, there is ugliness. If there is good, there is bad. Being and nonbeing and difficult and easy and high and low and long and short and before and after need, depend, create and define each other.” (p.180)

“Overesteem men and people become powerless. Overvalue possessions and people begin to steal. Empty your mind and fill your core. Weaken your ambition and toughen your resolve. Lose everything you know and everything you desire and ignore those who say they know. Practice not wanting, desiring, judging, doing, fighting, knowing. Practice just being. Everything will fall into place.” (p.180)

“Live and let live.
Do no judge.
Take it as it comes.
Deal with it.
Everything will be okay.” (p.180)

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven’t grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful. (...) When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you and my eyes staring at you. (...) When you’re gone, the World starts again, and I don’t like as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever know or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.” (p.186-187)

“I listen to the tick of an unseen clock marking moments of time long passed. It takes me the tick and it holds me ad it carries and keeps me like the slow swing of a pendulum before the eyes of an idiot. The World has stopped not like before and not in a good way. It has stopped and is not going forward the same way my life has stopped and is not going forward. It is not going forward or backward or anywhere at all it has just stopped. It has just stopped.” (p. 187-188)

“This moment and this chance they are the same and they are mine if I choose them and I do. I want them. Now and as long as I can have them they are both precious and fleeting and gone in the blink of an eye don’t waste them. A moment and an opportunity and a life, all in the unseen tick of c lock holding me nowhere. My heart is beating. The walls are pale and quiet. I am surviving.” (p.188)

“The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone. “(p.193)

“The most important is that when you get down, or you don’t think you can fucking do this anymore, just hold on, and sooner or later, the shit is gonna get better.” (p. 194)

“Be smart, be strong, be proud, live honorably and with dignity, and just hold on.” (p. 195)

“There is no good or evil, no Sinner or Saint. There simply is what is and that is it. You can use that to be and that is enough. Don’t talk about it or question it. Just let it be. Just be.” (p.200)

“Stay behind and get ahead. Detach and become. Let go of all and you will be full. Let go of all and you will be full... the good is like water that nourishes without trying.... in thinking keep to simple, in conflict be fair... don’t compare or compete simply be yourself.... fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill, keep sharpening your knife and it will dull... chase after money and your heart will never unclench. Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” (p. 201)

“I am not soft or warm but I imagine that it would be nice to be that way. I have never known it. I know a cold, hard, raging Fury deep inside of me and I am tired of it. I am tired of the feeling, I want to die so that I don’t have to feel it anymore. I would like to be soft and warm. I would be terrified to be that way. I could be hurt if I were soft and warm. I could be hurt by something other than myself. it is harder to be soft than it is to be hard. I could be hurt by something other than myself.” (p.201)

“Laughing or love. They are both drugs.” (p.201)

“I curl into myself and the voice begins again. Sorrow and shame and ecstasy and bliss and joy and pain and redemption and damnation and love and without.
It is all the same, Young Man.
Take it and let it be.” (p.215)

"I look less like what I am and more like a human being. I am becoming more like a human being." (p.220)

"I think God I something that People use to avoid reality . I think faith allows People to reject what is right in front of our eyes, which is that this thing, this life, this existence, this consciousness, or whatever word you want to use for it, is all we have, and all we'll ever have. I think People have faith because they want and need to believe in something, whatever that something is, because life can be hard and depressing and brutal if you don't." (p.224)

"The calm. If there is God or something Higher for me it is this. The calm. If there is something that will hold me when I need to hold it is this the calm. There is no anger, no rage, no Fury. There is no want, no need, no desire. There is no hatred no shame no regret. There is no grief, no sadness, no depression. There is no fear. Absolutely no fear. When one lives without fear, one cannot be broken. When one lives with fear one is broken before one begins to live." (p.230)

"In bottles and pipes I found emptiness and pain., At twenty0two after Jail and bond and flight I went back to a Cathedral where what I sought was calm. The calm did not come. I have it now. Without God. I have it now." (p.230)

"I can hear the wind and water and the cries of flying birds and the screams of the Patients (...). I can feel them and I can feel myself. I can feel the life in them and the life around me. I can feel it in the beating calm of my heart. It is not God and it is not something Higher. This feeling of calm is of me, within me, from me and created by me. It is not God. It is not something Higher." (p.230)

"Fighting is an acknowledgment of existence. I no longer need to fight or acknowledge what I know is not there. There are still fights to be fought, and I will fight them, but not with the blind faith of a false conversion to a belief in that which does not, has not, will not ever exist, God or something higher. I will fight with me, my heart, my will, myself, my song, I will fight with me. I may win, I may lose. It doesn't matter either way. What matters is how I do it. (...) I will do it with me. Alone. I will do it with me." (p.231)

"I am aware that the battle I am fighting is a petty one, but I am also aware that in order to win that which is great, you must first win that which is small. An addiction is an addiction and a fight is a fight. The same principles apply. Just hold on." (p.238)

"You did the best you could with me, and you loved me the best you could, and that's all I could have ever asked for from you. I have no excuses for what I've done or for who I am or for what I've put you through all these years." (p.251)

"This is how it has always been with me. Give me something good, I'll destroy it. Love me, I'll destroy you. I have never felt deserving of anything in my life. I have never felt as if I were worth the diseased space I occupy. This feeling has inhabited everything I've ever done, seen or had anything to do with, and it has infected every relationship I have ever had with with everyone I've ever known. I don't understand it. I don't understand why it's here. I hate it as I hate myself, and for whatever the reason, my Parents' presence has always made it worse. They are only trying to love me, but they have always made it fucking worse." (p.252)

"You have to be fairly strong to feel anything as powerful as hatred or self-hatred. Addiction and suicide are not for the weak." (p.253)

"...the Serenity Prayer... ( ) God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (p.260)

"Failure is an opportunity. If you blame others, there is no end to blame. Fulfill your obligations, correct your mistakes. Do what you need to do and step away. Demand nothing and give all. Demand nothing and give all." (p.261)

"Control by letting go of control, fix your problems by forgetting they're problems. Deal with them and the World and yourself with patience and simplicity and compassion. Let things be, let yourself be, let everything be and accept it as it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing more." (p.262)

"Words can't say this. The one word love means too little for what it is. It means everything and that is still not enough. It doesn't communicate even a fraction of the feelings involved. Love. The word is not enough for what it is. Love. Love." (p.316)

"My mother walks around her desk and Joanne stands. They hug each other strong and true in the way that only women can hug each other. There is no hesitation between them and there is no distance. No emotional distance, no physical distance, no distance of any kind." (p.330)

"What is more important, fame or integrity. What is more valuable, money or happiness. What is more dangerous, success or failure. If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy. Be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are. When you realize you have all you need, the World belongs to you." (p.370)

"If you want to shrink something, you must first expand it. If you want to get rid of something, you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something, you must allow it to be given. The soft will overcome the hard. The slow will beat the fast. Don't tell people the way, just show them the results." (p.370)

"Knowing other people is intelligence, knowing yourself is wisdom. Mastering other people is strength, mastering yourself is power. If you realize that what you have is enough, you are rich truly rich. Stay in the center and embrace peace, simplicity, patience and compassion. Embrace the possibility of death and you will endure. Embrace the possibility of life and you will endure." (p.371)

"All things and all time will pass. Don't force or fear, don't control or lose control. Don't fight and don't stop fighting. Embrace and endure. If you embrace, you will endure." (p.371)

"It is easier to laugh at ourselves than cry at ourselves." (p.384)

"Failure is an opportunity. If you blame someone else you will never stop blaming. Fulfill your own obligations, correct your own mistakes. Do what you need to do and demand nothing of others.
What is rooted will grow. What is recent can be fixed. What is brittle will break. Prevent trouble before it finds you, put things in order before they exist. The giant tree grows froma single seed. The Journey of a thosuand miles starts with a singl step. If you rush, you'll fail. Hold on to things too tight and you'll lose them. Take action by letting action come to you. Remain as calm at the start as at the finish. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. Desire to not desire, learn to unlearn. Care for nothing and you will care for everything.
(...)
If you want to be whole, you must first be partial. If you want to be straight, you must first be crooked. If you want to be full, first become empty. If you want to be reborn, you must first die." (...)
(...)
It is said that the path into light is dark. That the path forward is backward. That true power seems weak, that true purity seems tarnished, that true resolve seems changeable, that true clarity seems obscure. The greatest art is unsophisticated, the greatest love indifferent, the greatest wisdom childish." (p.414)

"I close my eyes. I hear long and slow. I hear short and fast. I hear a song that doesn't come from notes on a page but from a beating human heart. I hear sorrow and shame and hope and redemption. I hear a past that doesn't matter and the future that never comes. I hear harmony and simplicity and patience, I hear discipline and compassion. I hear it all now. In this moment in this Clinic in this Room in this bed with my eyes closed.
I hear it.
Right now." (p.415)

Fear is only fear. I already know that nothing can hurt me more than I have already hurt myself. I know there is no pain that I cannot endure. I know that by holding on each moment each hour each day the days add up each week each month if I hold on I will be fine. I know I am strong. I know I am strong enough to confront what I fear and I know I am strong enough to hold on until the fear goes away. I believe this in my heart." (p.417)

"I step forward and I hug her. There is emotion in the hug, and there is respect and a form of love. Emotion that comes from honesty, respect that comes from challenge, and the form of love that exists between people whose minds have touched, whose hearts have touched, whose souls have tocuhed. Our minds touched. Our hearts touched. Our souls touched." (p.423)

Currently on the MP3

Audiobook "2nd chance" by James Patterson

"2nd chance" by James Patterson

Random Thoughts

Another one of my surfing the web moments...

Random thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this thing I have– ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day, “Grandma, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with a Kay jeweler product.

Caption Contest

Oh the things I come across when I play around with the WWW...

Caption contest

Paul's latest tractor buy

I guess it's true what they say: one man's garbage is another man's treasure....

Anyone who knows Paul knows that he loooooooooves tractors, any shape and form of them. When I saw him coming home last week end with that piece of... equipment, I knew his case of tractor love was hopeless...
So Paul is now working on the "thing," willing to get it back in shape and working order of course! And if that's the case, we'll even throw in a paint job! I will undoubtedly keep all of you updated...

Bridal Brunch invites

I finished the Bridal Brunch Invites a little while ago. Here's the final result.

Currently Reading "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey

"A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey

Audiobook "1st to die" by James Patterson

"1st to die" by James Patterson

St Pat's bulletin board

I guess that's what they call "Allegiance"

Oath of Allegiance (taken by Naturalized citizens, hence by me almost 2 years ago now) (Please read on, as this post is NOT about the Oath of Allegiance...)

"I hereby declare, on oath,
that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen;
that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same;
that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law;
that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law;
that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and
that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God.
. . .that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by law. . ." (end of Oath of Allegiance)

And then reading this makes a painful reality hit home; it really makes you think twice about who's pledging allegiance to whom here. Knowing that it really happened so close to home makes me say once more that some real truths do hurt more than, let's say, the plain and simple truth.

R.I.P Lcpl Joshua Birchfield. Your hometown and neighboring towns mourn you even more now, as if that were even possible.